Thanks to crazyace86 linking me to some SUPERHOT pics of Jared Padalecki, I have FINALLY figured out why it is that I can't choose between Sam and Dean.

It's like this:

Sam is the kind of intelligent, friendly, fun-but-slightly-serious guy I would be friends with and eventually fall madly in love with but never put the moves on because I'd figure he wasn't interested. He'd also figure I wasn't interested and never put the moves on me, and years later we'd figure this out and be like "wow, we were idiots" but the time for things would have already passed.

Dean is the kind of guy who I would check out, get caught checking out, get asked out by, and then ditch after a date or two even though I liked him well enough, just because I'm slightly uncomfortable with REALLY HOT AND KIND OF MANLY men (which is weird because they're the main kind I go out with). He would probably call a few times and leave confused messages on my voicemail, and the next time I ran into him I he'd be a bit confused and hurt but play it cool and somehow we'd end up going out again, only for the process to repeat (this is the story of my dating life: LAME).

So there it is. The totally dumb reason I can't choose between them: they are just too good at being nearly like people I've actually known and liked. GODDAMN, SPN, WHY YOU GOTTA MAKE MY LIFE SO HARD? TWO CRUSHES IN ONE SHOW IS TOO MUCH WHEN THEY'RE IN SO MANY SCENES TOGETHER. I DON'T KNOW WHO TO LOOK AT.

Also, this picture of Jared (slippyslope, I recommend you check it out!) is the least straight thing I've ever seen. It's not even gay. It has surpassed gay and gone straight into UNICORNS. Jared Padalecki is fucking MADE OF UNICORNS in that picture, and I am not even kidding. (eta: slippyslope informs me that Jared is actually sparkly balloons and not unicorns, according to supernaturalwiki. CLOSE ENOUGH. I STILL THINK "UNICORNS" IS A MUCH BETTER HIGHER LEVEL OF BEING THOUGH. MUCH RARER THAN SPARKLY BALLOONS.)